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Tour Rules

Tour Rules

When the whole Tour Ethos can be summed up as ‘The Unwary shall Pay and the Wary enjoy’, a set of Tour Rules is essential. Infractions are fined – drink is drunk to allay the sorrow of being fined, and drunkenness exponentially increases the likelihood of being fined – and so ad infinitum. They were deceptively simple but economically unchallengeable.

  1. Thou shalt wear thy handkerchief on thy head or around thy neck at all times (on head for a certain song).
  2. Thou shalt carry thy programme at all times.
  3. Thou shalt not unscrew, detach, or otherwise remove any article, fixture or fitting from thy hotel, bar, or from thy opponents’ rugby club. This rule shall be deemed to apply to ferry captains’ uniforms.
  4. Though shalt respond to the cry of “Deceased Communal Insects” very quickly, or very expensively.
  5. Ignorance is no excuse – and will be costly

Tour Rules Explained

1. Thou shalt wear thy handkerchief on thy head or around thy neck at all times (on head for a certain song)

Red spotted neckerchiefs were de rigeur – and being without one was a fineable offence. The song ‘We’re the Strollers from Lancashire’ contains the line ‘matching sweaters and handkerchief hats’ – at which point non-head-wearing was . . . Fineable!

2. Thou shalt carry thy programme at all times

If thou didst not, thou wouldst be fined. The trade in programmes purloined from the dozing and/or the unwary funded many a Tour Lunch

3. Thou shalt not unscrew, detach, or otherwise remove any article, fixture or fitting from thy hotel, bar, or from thy opponents’ rugby club. This rule shall be deemed to apply to ferry captains’ uniforms.

The main objective here is not to dampen enthusiasm, but to stop us getting thrown out of places. Needless to say, the ‘stealing the ferry captain’s uniform’ caper di in fact occur!!

4. Though shalt respond to the cry of “Deceased Communal Insects” very quickly, or very expensively.

The required response to the cry ‘Dead Ants’ can be seen in many of the photographs. With the passing years, ‘getting down there’ remained easy, but ‘getting up again’ took longer and longer!!

5. Ignorance is no excuse – and will be costly.

As was demonstrated with terrifying frequency.